The Secret Life of a Waitressing Artist...

yay. it's still logged in!

cause fucked if i can remember my password.

apart from some awesome plotting done with kayla, this week can go in my banks of forgotten times.

since last friday, i've eaten like... a medium quarter pounder meal, some fried chicken, um a heap of smarties, half a can of spag-saurus and 2 pieces of toast, half a container(take away) of spaghetti and well, actually, thats about it.
i've slept... yesterday about 10 hrs... every night maybe 2 hrs....
so like 12 hrs all week?

everytime i try to eat i feel sick.
i think it's stress/exhaustion.

and cannot wait until this week is over...
and hope that whatever it is goes away with the week so i can has a good week next week :)

i've been better...

yea, much better.



Is it worth it in the End? someone at the end please call me and let me know..

i got to get the fuk out of this place.

it makes me cry listening to the abc online streaming radio.

I'm planning to spend at least half the day tomorrow (well, today really) trying to get to broadford, the closest relief center for those hardest hit in the north east of melb. fires (kilmore, wandong, marysville, kinglake etc...)
i'm a bit worried about a fire in broadford atm though... i'm not going to be dumb and drive down if there's a risk to myself.
However, if i cannot get to broadford, then i will be going to donate blood (which is on my to do list for the fires anyway), getting together blanekts, and other things that those towns would have lost.

i wish i could do more, offer them counselling and all this sort of stuff, but, i'm not even sure it will be well recieved people randomly driving into town to try and help.

i encourage any readers who can, to donate anything, these ppl have lost houses, and that means everything that is in them from toilet paper to clothes, to beds, to toothpaste.
not to mention the things we cannot replace...

information can be found on abc.net.au

degrees cel. would do me nicely...
this 40+ weather is not suiting me. *dies* but try as it might, the thermometer apparently has trouble breaking 43, which is fine by me, if the weather men would stop predicting 45, 46, 44, i'd be happy now with 35, heck, i even wonder if i'd get cold!
hah.


steps to get sleep at nights above 30C

1. have a long cold shower
2. fill your bed with ice packs
3. open your window and set your fan on highest possible speed
4. hope to bob that helps...

no write...

yea. lots been happening, lately been doing upwards of 35hrs at work cause liang up and went to hong kong gave us like a few hrs notice, apparently he went to spend a month with his grandfather... i wonder if something went wrong.
kind of hope not.

got my car, its cute, i like it. still getting used to it, but yea.
dirty dust made it all dirty 3 days after i cleaned it :( :'( ohwell rain, and dust storms never work with me anyway...
was so dusty we couldnt see the hills on the other side of this small rural city. i couldn't get over it.
mum says it was on the news (this was last week sometime, friday maybe... no, probably thursday... yes, thursday)

going to drive it to melb for a two day visit, thats two days, one night... work monday night, tonight, and working again thursday morning, unless i can ask someone to do it for me. like jane or richard.
which is prolly a better idea.
at the moment there's just 4 girls who are relations at work. marino, laura, aleisha and myself.
thanks god we're all competent, heh.

get to see my nanna tomorrow! so excited.

kinda trying to clean my room atm.
started to pack, even though we still havent found a house.
did a photoshoot yesterday with marino and laura, aleisha tried to come too but she had to go to corrynong (sp?) with her bf.
which was sad, it woulda been cool to have 3 girls, hehe ohwell, slowly building up my numbers.
safe to say, both laura and marino had fun, which is super, cause i had fun too. hehe shoots are always better when the models have fun.
anyway, just thought i'd update, time to get back to cleaning.

much love guys *tight squeezles!*

ok. first i have to get this out, cause it keeps going around and around.

"it's funny that I can be a hero for someone else, but, I can't be one for myself..."

bought on by marino, from work, calling me to ask if i can kill a spider for her tonight after we finished work hehe.
*look at caller id* marino...
*get a little worried something happened to her on the way home from work.* "hello?"
"Hey, um, can you kill spiders?"
"uh, what kind?" *partial relief*
"big one." -i can hear her being scared.-
"Got a vacuum cleaner?" deciding if she asks i will go over and try. i can be brave for someone else no problem, but myself? a whole different story.
"yes! good idea... i might call you back."

she calls back when i am almost home, and says she got it, i tell her to plug up the tube so it doesnt crawl back out and get some spray just in case.

I get home, about 10 minutes later im having dinner and she calls back
"it escaped. can i stay at your place?"

i giggled. it was cute. i think i've found someone more afraid of spiders than me. *shrug*

long nights because of holiday season. 36hr two weeks in a row....
having trouble finding a car... having trouble finding someone who actually can help me look.
mum is supposed to be coming up for christmas.
i think i'll ask if she minds that we see jane, because neither of jane's kids are coming home (from uni in melb and syd) and richard, her husband, is awol.
and she lost her mother a few weeks ago, so i'm kinda sad at the idea of her spending christmas alone.
she might not be my favouritest boss or person, but, she works hard, and her heart is in the right place, and, well, i'd hate to be spending christmas alone after anyone near to me died.

anyway, in case i dont post before hand,

i hope EVERYONE has a HAPPY and SAFE christmas...

and, if anyone needs to talk to ANY reason, call me.

i mean it...
see?
0402 482 649

MERRY CHRISTMAS my loves.

xoxo

ok so... got my loan.... looking for a car...
um....
*nom nomnoms on fantales*

got a new DVD player...
found the zipper for Dianne's dress so i can finish it now! *yay*
got two new girls to train at work because mel got booted...
um...
started my christmas shopping!
got mum, and cathy done, rikki sorta done... which reminds me to print her list.
ummmm going to get Dad his at bunnings(gift voucher i promised him...)
got something little for paul. it will do him... lol um... nanna.... i am looking for something meaningful as much as it is prettyful.

got twilight!...nearly finished it :(
paid off one of my debts and am due to pay off the other on thursday.
*nods to self* don't let me forget...

just wasting time before i go to work now... i have 10 minutes before i HAVE to leave...
hmmmm.... i think after i speak to dad tonight, i will clean my room a bit...
we're looking for houses.... 3 bedrooms this time, paul has finally realsied we really do need a psare room, otherwise, he'll have to leave me and my sewing to the kitchen... lol
i'm excited. lol i really want to move. i like moving. unpacking, repacking and re-organising and cleaning things out and finding things you thought you'd lost last time.

p.s. i should NOT be hyper.... i blame twilight and fantales... lol bad mix... but soooo yummy!

list of things in this house that are mine that i will be taking when i leave...


washing machine, fridge, tv unit, coffee table, all the bookshelves, all the cutlery, all the plates, bowls, pots, pans, oven pans, most of the mugs and glasses and plastics, the cat!,

things that aren't mine...

kitchen table, couches.... tiny 2nd fridge...

wow, you can tell he never lived on his own...

i miss it. so badly. too cramped with him here.

how did i get here?

i'm back to being unhappy, needing a major facelift to my life and not knowing what to do.
do i want to move? do i want to stay?

i dont think i'd care what i did so lnog as it was a change from the nothing i'm doing now.

i keep getting mood slips because i'm not happy.

i'm lonely.
i want love.
but i'm not open to it.
do nothing to get it.
have some boys who are friends who would love to give it, but i want it to be mutual.
i miss my family.
i'm even looking at places to rent nearby them so i can see them all the time.


I shouldn't feel how i feel atm.
i havent felt this way for a while.
i say that everytime i feel this way you know? every few months.

i jsut feel so trapped.

i wish i could afford to move back to my family now.
but i can't.
so i applied for a christmas casual job last night, to try and save up faster.
wish me luck, even if i run myself to the ground, i'm going to get back to my loved ones...
before it's too late for some...